Ex-Boyfriends should NOT be allowed to get MARRIED

May 12, 2009

Getting a new girlfriend is bad enough already…

But really, I don’t care if I liked you, loved you, or if it was more of a just-sit-there-silently-and-let-me-look-at-you type of thing we had going on. You are not allowed to get engaged, and you are NOT allowed to post it on facebook. The only worse way you could have told me would have been by sending a wedding invitation.

Incidentally, a good friend of mine just got dumped via email, which she characterizes as “worse than a text message, not quite as bad as a post-it note.” While I appreciate the Sex & the City reference, is a text message REALLY a better vehicle for rejection than an email?

(Ahhhh I made a Poll called “What is the WORST way to get dumped?” but I can’t get it in here! Rao: Help me!!)


Am I Alone in Hating Author Photos in the Back of the Book?

May 12, 2009

Seriously people, seriously. Or more like seriously, Jennifer Weiner, who just posted a blog entry complaining that she couldn’t see an author’s picture on her new Kindle. (Side note: my MOM has a Kindle 2, and she freaking LOVES it! This my Mom here, who calls me to ask me for instructions on how to check her voicemail and thinks that it’s perfectly normal for web pages on her old desktop to take >four minutes to load.) Anyway, Jen’s thesis is that she might have enjoyed the book less had she known the author was attractive. Particularly offensive excerpt:

“In a weird way, the omission [of the photograph] made the book a lot more suspenseful than it would have been if I’d had Ms. Gillies’ visage staring me in the face every time I glanced at the back flap. A happy ending would have been a foregone conclusion. Of course she was going to meet “the love of (her) life,” as she wrote on the very last page. Probably on the way back from the post office where she mailed in her manuscript! And she probably got proposed to twice on the way there!”

(I will note that not everything in the blog offends me so, and indeed some may even be worth reading: here)

In all my life, I have never wanted to know what an author looked like, especially not a modern one, before/during/after having read a book. (Exception: I did look up Vanessa Bell’s Bloomsbury portrait of her sister, Virginia Woolf. I hardly think this counts.) Sometimes, usually after I have finished reading, I am interested to know a bit of biography, where they grew up, what their issues were, etc. — desires I can almost always happily satiate with Wikipedia (interpret as you will). But why bother with what the author looks like?! If I wanted to express myself in society with my face, not my words, I would have been an actress, or a politician, or a news anchor. Why does the fact that a female author is attractive make the story of her broken marriage any less dismal, as experienced by best-selling author Jennifer Weiner? (Though, interesting reversal: would women resonate with the novel ‘Good In Bed’ — about learning to love yourself as a “larger woman” — feel betrayed if they knew the author were a size four, rather than fourteen?)

This has been on my mind and bothering me for a while, but the events of yesterday proved to me that I am not crazy (at least, not crazy to find this whole fascination with author photos somewhat appalling… hehehe). Having finished Dracula and thirsty for my next adventure (pun intended, ew), I wandered into Harvard Bookstore and picked up a copy of “Special Topics in Calamity Physics.” Now I have to confess that the one personal detail that does interest me about an author is their age–that’s my competitive nature coming through. I like to know what people my age can do.

In the ‘Used Section’ as I continued to browse, my eyes fall on that debut novel of Jennifer Weiner’s “Good in Bed.” I frown as I pick it up. I only read the first chapter–but I’m not frowning because I hated it. In fact, I kind of liked it, and think I would enjoy the book. But it was $7, whereas Calamity Physics was $5.99, infinitely more highbrow, longer and more appealing; plus, buying both would have meant skipping lunch. But I digress. I’m frowning at the picture on the back as I remember her infuriating blog post. These things are so airbrushed anyway, I mean seriously what’s the point? Stephenie Meyer looks about 50 pounds lighter in her Twilight photo than she does in real life (not that I was looking… uhhhh…. BUSTED!). Anyway, I flip open the back of “Calamity Physics” and lo and behold: gorgeous photo of a girl who can’t be more than two years older than me! She’s been airbrushed into oblivion, it’s obvious, but still I can feel my pure objectiveness beginning to melt, tainted by the image.

I get home, read the first chapter, and look up the author, Marisha Pessl, on Wikipedia. I’m reading with interest until something terrible catches my eye: a link to the following New York Times article:

“With Marisha Pessl you Can’t Judge a Book by the Photo on the Cover”

Here’s a young girl who’s just written what most consider to be a brilliant, serious debut novel (non of this Chick-Lit-y nonsense) and this is the headline she gets??? You can’t judge her book as non-brilliant based on the attractive photo, because the normal impulse is that attractive people can’t produce brilliance? Right.

Anyway, don’t let this post fool you into thinking I’m a misanthropic old feminist… I am not old, I am not a misanthrope, and I am not a feminist (not according to my little brother’s definition, which is “someone who doesn’t shave her arms and legs”).

Buy our book because we’re blonde!!! Yaaaaay!!!


Lauren Conrad

May 11, 2009

I am actually furious right now- not only because of slaving with work during this beautiful, sunny Never Never Land day, but because I read the following online:

“I just finished writing my first book–you can pre- order ,online. I’d try Amazon. LA Candy will be at the stores on June 16th. Now I’m working on the second book, it’s intense, but fun!

Loving life,

Lauren”

This is Lauren Conrad that is- the star of the MTV show “The Hills”: the LA socialite, the drama queen and the individual with the brain size of a pea and the work ethic of a bum.

Knowing how long it takes to actually write a bookfrom start to finsh,  let alone the time it takes to get everything together with revisions, contracts and etc, I’m fabbergasted that this creature has managed not only to party, shop, party, go to fancy restaurants, fly to Hawaii, party, be on MTV, design her own fashion line, sell the products of her fashion line, party, shop some more AND FINISH THIS GODDAMN BOOK.

Damn it!! Some people hired by the publishing company (probaby for minimum wage) must have written the entire thing under her name- probably asking for critical information like “what was the name of the girl who talked behind your back when you dated this other boy who was with you just to be on TV?”, giving her all the credit. But still she will be a published author of not only 1 book, but a series of books and make money she doesn’t really deserve. Kudos to her though for being able to capitalize on a ‘not-so-five-minutes’ of fame that she got thrugh being a reality TV star.

LeK, our life sucks..


My mom and I are not on speaking terms exactly

May 10, 2009

Because I forgot to get her a mother’s day present. I don’t see the point in spending her money to get her a present.

I wake up today and the first thing I hear is her on the phone being completely impossible.. argh..

SO LeK, don’t forget to wish your mom happy mother’s day and get her flowers/chocolate or something if not a gift!


There will be no Pen Name…

May 8, 2009

I am powerless in this situation. But my feelings are thus:

Why don’t I want my name to become the next Norman Mailer?


Confession

May 7, 2009

RaO and I are definitely vibrating on the same spiritual wavelength.

People used to tell us that we are “exactly the same,” to which we reacted with great gratitude/offense depending on our current mood. Ultimately, we found this comment to be pretty bizarre: we look nothing alike–especially now that RaO has crossed over to the dark side (aka she’s no longer a blonde!); RaO is from Never Never Land while LeK was raised in the Wild Wild West, and only one of us has true musical/vocal talent.

However, a few days ago, I was forced to concede to those many individuals who have suggested in the past that RaO and I share a strange psychic connection.

Though we are separated by many a time zone, thousands of miles, and some of us have drastic internet barriers to overcome, on the same exact day merely hours apart, we both google searched for fan-made New Moon trailers because we wanted, more than anything, to be able to watch the movie NOW.

If what’s her name from The Devil Wears Prada were my mother, I might be able to make this happen.

But sadly, no.

Oh, so now for my confession. In a true “literati” turn of events, I decided to quench my thirst for Vampire intrigue by reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1897). This is a work of true literary value, and actually quite riveting, though reading it online at Google Books is somewhat hurting my eyes. I am not embarrassed of the way I came to be reading this novel (wishing I could watch New Moon, NOW), nor am I embarrassed about loving Twilight.

There, I said it.


Izzy Stevens..

May 7, 2009

I know I’m very behind on all my shows, but I just watched the latest Grey’s episode online last night. You have to give me some credit, Never Never Land is 2 seasons behind on Grey’s and I can’t view shows online on ABC.com because I’m outside of the US. Add to this my unwillingness to pay for shows or songs via iTunes and voila! I have to wait for the episodes to fall to various video sharing sites. I’m aware that this is technically illegal, but it is almost impossible not to ‘break the law’ when everybody around you is..

So my question is: What is going to happen to Izzy Stevens? As is, she has been awfully sick for the past few episodes; is she really going to die? The show can definitely go on with her abscence; it might even create some great drama if Alex (Justin Chambers) can pull it off. I’m afraid to say, so far the spark in Justin’s acting is yet to be seen..

But Katherine Heigl (Izzy Stevens) on the other hand is rapidly rising to her state of movie stardom. It might be time for her to pull off a George Clooney and leave behind the show that single handedly brought her to the homes of millions of TV watchers all over the world.